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The Spirit is never broken9

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We let Tshuvah free of her broken body yesterday.  We had planned on this weekend, but on Wednesday night she seemed to have more pain than before and there’s no reason for enduring that. Yesterday was Rosh HaShana, the Jewish New Year, so I took her to services and then drove her down to the Veterinary Cancer Care clinic in Santa Fe.  I knew I could trust the staff there to do a wonderful job for us, and they did.  Blessings to Amy, the clinic manager and Angel, who loved Tshuvah and helped us both through her passing.  We helped Tshuvah to pass on the front lawn of the clinic and also in my car, in her co-pilot spot.  After she was gone I was able to wash away the blood spots near her skin lesions that I couldn’t while she was living because it hurt her.  So I lovingly cleaned her up and talked to her, and then carried her in her blanket into the clinic.  It was a blessing to cradle my girl one last time.

Its an hour and a half drive to Santa Fe from Taos, and I had Tshuvah in her co-pilot chair next to me as we drove.  I had the chance to say everything I could think to say to her.  Her last breakfast was vanilla ice cream, her favorite.

It feels silent as a tomb here at home today.  Tshuvah, as I mentioned before, was a particularly vocal dog, although not a barker.  She just had a lot to say in chirps and grunts and whines.  This is also the first day in 12 years that there hasn’t been at least one dog in the house.  I have been praying to Yesha and Tzav, Tshuvah’s big labrador brothers who were lost to cancer in the past 3 years, that they meet Tshuvah and escort her over the bridge.

I know it will be a better “shana tova” or good year, for Tshuvah because she is free of her very mortal body.  For us, it will no doubt be a challenging year without our so so so beloved girl.

Although her body was so sick, her spirit was truly never broken.  Two days ago as my daughter and I were cutting sunflowers in our front yard to decorate the holiday table, our neighbor came to say hello since we hadn’t seen her all summer; she’s a doctor who was volunteering in Haiti and we were in Chicago helping my sister.  Even though Tshuvah had very little mobility, she still made it to her feet, got the propeller tail spinning, and grunted/chirped/whined her marvelous greeting to our neighbor.  There was just no getting Tshuvah down.  A more joyous, delightful soul I have never met.  We have been so blessed by her presence.  Now it is ours to endure these first weeks and months of her absence.

Grateful thanks to this community for helping me through Tshuvah’s amputation, diagnosis, last wonderful summer, and passing.  I hate to think what it would have been like these past three months without y’all.


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  1.    jerry at September 10th, 2010 10:01 am:

    Beautiful girl, you will be missed so much on earth, but we Spirit Tripawds welcome you with open arms.

    Thank you for sharing your courageous journey with us all. We love you.

  2.    etgayle at September 10th, 2010 11:33 am:

    beth our thoughts are with you and your family. tshuvah was a very brave girl, a true beacon of love and devotion. thanks for sharing her with us, our lives are better because of her. love never ends.

    charon & gayle

  3.    dsimas at September 10th, 2010 2:00 pm:

    Oh Beth, I am so sorry to read this with a tear stained face. Although you knew it was coming and it sounds like it went as well as it could go for you both, it’s still so hard.

    Blessings to you and you’re in my prayers for healing and comfort.


  4.    kazy55 at September 10th, 2010 2:04 pm:

    Our thoughts are with you as well.

  5.    Ginger at September 10th, 2010 5:08 pm:

    Our prayers go out to you and your family. It is never easy letting go. Know that your pretty girl Tshuvah made us all smile when we read about her.

    God bless,
    Ginger’s Pack

  6.    Mackenzie's Mom at September 10th, 2010 7:26 pm:

    Beth – I’m so sad to hear this news. It’s so obvious the connection and bond you both shared with each other. I recently talked to a great doctor that shed some new spiritual insight onto all of this which made me feel very comforted….When they leave you it’s their time and they know that…but they also know that they’ll be seeing you very soon because our concept of time is very different from their concept of time…what feels like a lifetime to us is really a blink of an eye to them. That’s the beauty….so please take comfort in knowing that Tshuvah will be waiting for you no matter how long it takes and to her, she’s not waiting at all. Here’s wishing you much peace and comfort during this time.
    Kami (Mackenzie’s Mom)

  7.    Fortisdad at September 10th, 2010 8:10 pm:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Tshuvah was a special girl and her journey was so full of love and compassion. Thanks for sharing it with us. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  8.    Carmen (Catie's Mom) at September 10th, 2010 8:36 pm:

    So sorry again, Beth.


  9.    labradorim at September 12th, 2010 5:47 pm:

    Thank you, I really appreciate the responses and support. I feel terrible today, can’t stand how much I miss my girl. Please keep the prayers coming that she is safe and happy, wherever she is, and that I find some peace with her loss.

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