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5
September
2010

I think the end is nearing188

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It seems that Tshuvah is clearly failing now. We got back home exactly a week ago, and about 4 days ago she started really having trouble moving around. She tires easily. And she’s not eating well. Today all she ate was ice cream at 9pm, after refusing elk jerky and salmon, her two usual favorites. Granted my husband, daughter and I were out most of the day and Tshuvah never eats well if she hasn’t exercised; but that’s the catch-22; it seems she can’t really exercise anymore which affects her appetite. Yesterday she made it to our neighbor’s driveway on our walk but seemed not to even really want to do that. Tonight she went partly down our driveway but clearly didn’t want to be going even that far, so we came back.  She has so many skin tumors that being petted seems to make her anxious so I just hold her cheek in my hand.

I saw a bright first star tonight and wished that Tshuvah’s passage will be quick, painless, merciful and not scary for her. I’m about to have a heart attack myself from the stress and worry; crying a lot. I have been assuming that she will bleed out and die on her own but tonight I realize I might have to help her across before she bleeds out. She is still enjoying going to the park and she can still get up and out to pee or lie in the sun.   I guess when I can’t even say these few positive things, it will be time to help her if she hasn’t already passed.

I can’t believe I’m even writing these words. Heart broken.

Beth


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